


The Ballet Boys

by Charlotteritchiestrash



Category: Glee
Genre: And they where roommates, Angst, Ballet, Eating Disorder, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Kadam for a moment, M/M, dance, squint and you miss it, steph canny write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26218579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlotteritchiestrash/pseuds/Charlotteritchiestrash
Summary: Blaine and Kurt are childhood rivals at a Ballet boarding school. What happens when the pair is forced to live together?Altered/Gleeked Version of Last Dance by @bluesxrgentGo read the original it’s a Skam piece!
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Tina Cohen-Chang/Mike Chang
Comments: 12
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bluesxrgent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesxrgent/gifts).



> The wonderful Bluesxrgent allowed me to write a version of their wonderful fic! Which I hopefully will do justice by adding glee details and my own writing twist too! So thank you to them for allowing me to do this! Please go check out their works!

The American School of Ballet was still everything Kurt had dreamed it would be. Sure, there were days where he wondered if all the hours of training had come to nothing, but then there were days were one of his instructors would compliment his posture, or use him as an example in class, and he would smile and be rushed with the reason he persevered through the bunions and less pretty side of Ballet. Kurt remembers hearing his Mom telling people how she could feel him tournering in the womb, the story always makes Kurt laugh as he knows that’s not the proper term, but he never got around to correcting her. 

Arriving back at the school for a new year Kurt felt like he could exhale in relief. The months away from the school during the summer break were always difficult for him, Lima being an extremely homophobic town and Kurt wasnt exactly quite about his sexuality. He’d get verbal abuse in the streets and for a while had been physically assaulted until he’d told his dad who had rang the police. Fortunately for Kurt, Rachel a close friend of his, had invited him to stay in a flatshare she had in the city curtsey of her Dad’s. It had been easy, actually, to live that summer of bliss, training whenever possible with Rachel however he had missed his Dad. 

They were going into their last year before they would try to enter the company, one of the most important years for rest of their lives. Ruin this and your dancer career could be over that though terrified Kurt : Whoever scored the lead roles in whatever show they performed that year were basically in for a spot with the company, so the pressure was higher than ever. He wondered what show they would be doing, hoping there would be a great lead male role that he could try for. He wanted to stretch himself show he could be versatile.  
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Rachel said to him as they walked in together, searching for who they’d be dorming with. “Only one more year? In some ways I’m glad, but in others I wish we never had to leave.”  
Kurt rolled his eyes and scoffed at her, even though he knew exactly what she was saying. “You’re never going to have to leave Rach, you’ll be leading the company before we know it.”  
“Oh shush Kurt,” She nudged his side, but her eyes sparkled with possibility. Rachel was easily the best dancer in their year, in the whole school now that Brittany and Matt had graduated. No one could arch their toes like Miss Rachel Berry and the whole cohort knew it.  
“When’s Elliot gracing us with his presence?” she changed the topic as they ascended the staircase to the residence wing.  
Kurt shrugged unsure. “I don’t know, actually. Maybe he’ll be in our room when I get there.”  
Normally there were three students to a room, but Kurt and his best friend Elliot had gotten lucky the past few years, due to the uneven number of students, and had a room to themselves. To them this meant reading Vogue together and being fashion icons behind the safety of their closed door and Kurt loved the redecorating a new dorm meant.  
“Which number are you?” he asked Rachel once they started to make their way down the hallway.  
“322. You?”  
“310.”  
She pouted. “I’ll miss living with you. Are you sure Elliot doesn’t want to switch?”  
Kurt choked on a laugh. “And what if you end up rooming with Santana?”  
Santana was extremely feisty and guarded and had taken a dislike to Rachel rather quickly. Rachel shivered, then laughed, “Ok, you have a point.”  
Rachel reached her room and was accosted by a loud squeal as someone jumped and gave her a huge hug. Mercedes. “Come in, come in! Tina’s already here! I feel so bad for Santana, she has to room with Quinn . And Kitty, but she’ll survive! Are you with Elliot again?” Mercedes always spoke a mile a minute and while he’d like to say he hadn’t missed her, he had. He did feel bad for Santana though. She and Quinn had been really close once upon a time, but then she’d gotten pregnant with Santana’s hookup and it spoiled their friendship.  
“What about Artie?” he asked.  
Mercedes grin turned sad. “He got into a car accident, had to leave the program. But he’s at the same school as your friend Joe now.”  
“Oh.” That was unfortunate, he’d really liked Artie. They’d hang out together on chill-out Sunday’s.  
“Still up for that swap?” Kurt reminded Rachel of her previous offer.  
She laughed and backed away, leaving him to move in. “In your dreams!” She mouthed back, causing him to pout at her before she made his way to her room. He smiled once he got to the door. It was one of the smaller suites but Kurt didn’t seem to mind aslong as he and Elliot where roomies. 

He assumed Elliot must be there already the bag in the hallway making the presence of another person knowing. He made his way to the bedroom off to the left of the living area, he always took the left and Elliot always took the right, and halted in the doorway. A jacket was folded neatly on the bed, and two suitcases yet unpacked by the door. Ok, apparently Elliot learned to fold his clothes but forgot his left from right?  
Elliot and Finn came tumbling in through the doorway yelling in joy and excitement. Kurt had no idea how someone as clumsy as Finn had made Ballet school.

“B, Holidays treat you well?” Elliot grinned, pulling Kurt into a hug.  
He pulled away after a moment, turning to Finn and giving his brother a quick hug as well. “As well as expected,” he shrugged, “How about you? How’s Mom and Dad?”  
Finn launched into a mild rant about how going back to Ohio and how Mom and Burt had become more affectionate and the awkward evening where he’d almost walked in on them doing the nasty. Kurt had stopped listening at the thought of his father having a sex life when he didn’t.  
“El, why’d you take the lefthand room?”  
Elliot furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”  
Kurt gazed to the freshly made bed behind him and Elliot returns a look of confusion. “Oh… you don’t know yet?”  
“Don’t know what?” He replied, but before Elliot could articulate a response the one person Kurt would rather eat his own bunions than willing spend free time with entered.  
“Oh. Um. Hi. I didn’t expect a welcome part ,” Blaine Anderson said, readjusting his bow tie.  
“We were just leaving,” Elliot said, and that’s when Kurt’s mind caught up with the situation. Shit. No, no, no, no, no. This was a nightmare. He was living a nightmare. Anyone but fucking Anderson. Maybe he was there to help Mike move in? Maybe Mike and Kurt where roomies instead?  
“No, no worry, I can just go to my room and sort my clothes,” Blaine said, offering Kurt a small sympathetic smile before passing the crowd into his room. Kurt shot Finn a Death Stare.  
“Tell me you’re pulling my leg!” he said with false calmness.  
Elliot bit his lip and shrugged . “I don’t know why they changed it up this year, man. Mike’s with us, me and Finn, and Blaine’s with you.”  
He desperately grabs Elliot and Finn and pulls them into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. “Can I switch with Mike ? You know he’ll be fine with it he’s like, the nicest guy in the world.”  
Finn rolled his eyes. “Come on, little brother, you’re being dramatic, Blaine isn’t that bad.”  
“I’m not sharing with him,” Kurt stated adamantly. Dramatic Kurt’s ass. None of them knew Blaine like he did. They’d promised each other to be by each other’s sides as children but Blaine had left Kurt in the mud when Blaines parents forked out extra money for private Ballet sessions that Kurt’s dad simply couldn’t afford. 

The past year had seen Kurt’s Ballet career grow, he’d spoken to directors and had extra classes with choreographers and he felt as though for once the early morning starts where actually worth it. He wasn’t now going to let Blaine Anderson waltz back into the spotlight.  
Finn braced his hands on Kurt’s shoulders. “Kurt. Seriously. You need to put this whole beef with Blaine behind you. All it’s going to do is hold you back, and I know that’s the last thing you want.”  
Kurt shuddered from Finn’s hold, throwing his arms across his torso like a child who’d just been told no.  
“You don’t get it,” he paused. “ Blaine and I we weren’t meant to be friends, I’ve made the mistake of trusting him once, so excuse me if i’m not jumping at the opportunity to play house with him.”  
“I’m not saying to be his friend, I’m just saying why make a shitty situation worse? You know damn well that if any of the teachers catch wind of you switching rooms they’ll make your life hell,” Finn tried to reason with him.  
Kurt was still being stubborn.  
“Living Nightmare.”  
Elliot let out an exasperated sound and raised his voice slightly, quieting after a moment so he wouldn’t draw attention  
“Kurt! You always talk about the effort you  
put into your dance. The emotion. The feelings how you have to work twice as hard to be viewed the way Blaine and Rachel are. The teachers love you. Would you really throw that away over the prospect of sharing a kitchen and bathroom with Blaine?”  
As much as Kurt hated to admit it, Finn was right for once. 

If he had the choice he wouldn’t being sharing anything with Blaine but if the only other option was ruining his likelihood of getting a lead role in this years show then he could learn to live with devil.  
“Fine,” he agreed grudgingly.  
Elliot raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah,” Kurt grumbled, leaning his head back against the door. This was going to be a long year.  
“And on that note,” Finn spun on his heel, pivoting to walk down the hallway, “We have unpacking to do! We don’t want to return to a please help me bury the body moment.”  
Kurt laughed, appreciative of Finn’s aloofness even in the oddest of moments. 

He hesitated in front of the door for a moment, not quite ready to enter back into the room he’d have to share with someone he hated for a full year. Hopefully he could just lock himself in his room most of the time and just avoid Blaine at all costs. He got up earlier than everyone to start training, so there was a minimal chance he’d ever see Blaine in the mornings anyway.  
He should really go back into the room.  
He should really go back into the room, but he couldn’t. His hand hovered over the door handle still, and he knew that he would look like an idiot if anyone walked down the hall and saw him standing there staring at the door.  
Fuck it, it was his room too. Blaine couldn’t monopolize that as well. The door opened easier than he had expected, or maybe he’d used a little bit too much force on it, he was still rather riled up, because he stumbled back into the room much less gracefully than he’d intended to. Blaine was standing by the small counter they had in their kitchenette, unloading a box of mugs and dishes. He looked up at Kurt in surprise.

“I thought you’d be kidnapped.” It was hard to tell if Blaine was trying to make a joke or not. Kurt tried not to remember how it used to light up every room he walked into. Maybe it still did, but Kurt had stopped noticing.  
“Well, you can’t have a suite to yourself now can you Anderson,” Kurt retorted. Blaine nodded but said nothing further, turning his attention back to placing mugs and pans into cupboards. 

Kurt walked past him and into his own bedroom, the right room felt wrong after all the years he’d shared with Elliot. He shut the door and flopped down on his yet to be made bed. He would worry about dirty sheets later. This was going to be a long year.

Kurt had devised a plan to spend as minimal time in contact with Blaine as possible. Hopefully he’d spend a lot of time in Elliot and Finn’s room, why the hadn’t roomed Kurt with them was absurd.  
Mike would probably want to hang out with Blaine, so spending time with Elliot and Finn would be easier. Kurt actually liked Mike, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why someone as nice and talented as Mike would waste his time on someone like Blaine. 

Kurt and Blaine where oxymorons, though both similar in hobbies and ambitious there dance styles contradicted. Kurt preference to dance petite allegro, this allowed him to focus and refine his lines and dance with precision, it was an extremely difficult exercise but paid off in the long run.  
.You couldn’t get by on natural talent in petite allegro, it was one of the only exercises that actually put everyone on an even playing field, at least at first. If you succeeded it was because you deserved it.  
People like Blaine preferred grand allegro. Grand allegro was all about showing off. Yes, there was still precision and focus required, but it also required absolute perfection of the sort that you were either born with or weren’t. That wasn’t to say that someone couldn’t be good at grand allegro if they weren’t born with the same natural ability as someone else, but their chances of securing the roles and positions granted to those who flourished during grand allegro were far lower. The petite allegros were the underdogs and the grand allegros were the stars .  
Of course, there were always exceptions. Rachel was like him, but she was also a star, he dad’s spoiling her had gone to her head but the girl did have talent. Rachel often pulled the eyes of the instructors, she was one of the only people to pull attention from Blaine and Kurt was thankful for it, last year they’d been partnered together which allowed the instructors to take notice of him. Partner work was crucial in ballet and a star was only as good as their partner which pushed Kurt to work twice as hard for both himself and Rachel.

It was actually how they’d come to be so close in the first place, not really interacting much beforehand Kurt has found her kinda obnoxious and annoying to being with. Kurt had mostly steered clear of Santana and her friends after all the drama with Quinn and her being pissed that Brittany had been scouted early and that their relationship wouldn’t survive long distance but had really enjoyed becoming so close with Rachel over the past year. If they hadn’t, he wouldn’t have lived with her over the holidays.  
If he could go back to Rachel’s well lit apartment and the living situation he’d be thrown now he’d be on a plane back to NY. 

There was a knock on his bedroom door and Kurt poked his head up, wondering if Finn had come back to talk to him or if Blaine was really trying to come into his room. A few steps and an open door later, he realized it was the latter, wishing he would have just stayed on his bed and ignored the knocking.  
“What do you want?” he asked curtly, not even bothering to pretend to be polite. Blaine knew Kurt didn’t like him, and Kurt was more than certain that Blaine returned the dislike. 

Blaine was awkwardly staring at Kurt, still  
silent, his hand gently falling back to his side from where he’d been knocking on the door.  
Kurt raised his eyebrows. “Hello? What do you want?”  
Blaine blinked and looked away, gaze falling to the floor. “Sorry, um, I was just wondering how you’d like to decorate the living room?”  
“Seriously?” Kurt crossed his arms over his chest, he was coming accustomed to this position. Decorating the living room was really the least of their worries, in his humble opinion.  
Blaine bit his lip and shrugged. “It could be nice.”  
“Nice,” Kurt repeated slowly. He opened his mouth again to speak before closing it and furrowing his brows, unsure of how to respond. “I don’t really give a shit, I guess. I’m here for ballet and ballet only, I don’t care what you decide to suffocate our walls with.”  
“Just ballet? That will be unfortunate when we have to take our modern, hip hop, jazz…” Blaine trailed off, gleam in his eye. Kurt used to know that gleam, used to smile when he saw it. Now it mocked him, shining with the light of everything Blaine knew that he was and Kurt wasn’t.  
Kurt would have laughed at that comment from someone else but instead remained stoic before moving to close the door once more, and was stopped by Blaine’s hand right before it closed. “ What? ” he hissed through his teeth.  
Blaine pushed the door back open tentatively and flicked his gaze to Kurt’s’ eyes once before averting them again. “I was also wondering what you’d like for dinner?”

Kurt scoffed aloud and shut the door in Blaine’s face, leaning against the back of it once the door closed. He slowly slid down until he was sitting on the floor with his back still pressed to the door. There was a dull thud on the other side of the door that Kurt could have suspected it being Blaine doing the same.  
Knees pulled up to his chest, Kurt yet again folded his arms on top of them, sighing. Since it seemed Blaine would be occupying the kitchen, Kurt would be trapped in his room for the evening. 

He’d be awake at 4.45am anyway to get in his pre-class run and warm ups, so he could spend the evening and night knowing his shitty sleeping schedule organising his clothes and unpacking. Kurt rarely got more than three hours a sleep a night, hé functioned on coffee and determination.  
He popped his head up at the sound of pans rattling and guess that Blaine was cooking.  
In attempts to drown out the racquet from the other room Kurt put on his headphones and turned the volume up, waltzing his room as he started opening his suitcases.

He fell into a steady rhythm occasionally singing along to the songs he knew well  
on the playlist. Kurt had almost forgotten about why he was still in his room and the whole Blaine Anderson is his roommate scenario. There was a sound at one point that may have been another knock or a soft “Kurt”, but this time he ignored it, chalking it up to the drums in the song he was listening to. 

Kurt had finished packing and flopped onto the soft comforter on his bed. The crocheted blanket his mother had made laid neatly on top, the smell of her had gone but the memories where still woven into the wool.  
He checked the time and realized it was almost midnight, giving him a total of maybe five hours of sleep if he fell asleep right that moment, which, given his history, wasn’t going to happen. Wonderful.

He still had to moisturise and move his hair products into the bathroom which meant leaving the comfort of his room on many trips, right now Kurt cursed himself at the care he took in his appearance. The silence from outside the door was comforting and Kurt took this as a sign to venture into the apartment.  
As he stepped out into the darkness of the living area he slips slightly on a piece of paper. “ Now he’s trying to kill me.” Kurt thought to himself rolling his eyes. He picked up the note, unfolding it his eyes skimming over the curly cursive in black ink.  
I made stir fry, the leftovers are in the fridge whenever you’re settler. Sorry if you don’t like stir fry, you slammed the door on me before you could tell me what you wanted for dinner. - B  
Great, now Blaine was probably trying to poison him too. He scrunches up the note and throws it in the direction of the bin, he misses but leaves it there, littering the floor. 

Kurt ruffles his hair free of the small amount of gel he uses. Before pulling it back using a headband and starts his moisturising routine. He finishes quickly, his thoughts being drawn to Blaine at the sight of the yellow toothbrush in their shared bathroom. This was going to be a long year but Kurt would power through. He’d show Blaine Anderson what talent was. Even if it killed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt roller over aggressively snaking his alarm clock. He’d never gotten used to the early mornings that ballet brought. But saying that Kurt put this on himself. It took him a few moments to break from his sleepy-haze and remember who was on the other side of the wall. He hesitantly dipped a toe out of the warm comfort of his bed and swore under his breath, jolting out of bed and pulling on his layers of dance attire and warm up clothes as quickly as possible. He was determined to get in 5K each morning before he’d meet Rachel with coffee and they’d stretch together. Kurt shrugged on a hoodie, which was a rare for him and checked his pocket for his airpods finding the cold plastic box inside. He headed to the bathroom and brushed his teeth deciding he’d shower after rehearsals instead of this morning. He then styled his hair into his signature quiff and gelling into place.. He had no idea how Anderson puts up with the mop of curls he has on his head. 

After he’d finished his morning moisturising routine, he headed to the kitchen in search of coffee. The sound of Blaine’s door opening startled Kurt as he got the milk from the fridge. He’d have to be quieter next time. He didn’t want to deal with Blaine on a normal day let alone a pissed off sleep deprived version. Then Kurt began to wonder why Blaine was awake when he barely made it to classes on time? “ Morning,” Blaine half heartedly smiled as he sat down at the island counter. Kurt raises his eyes brows from over the cup of coffee he was no sipping. “What are you doing up so early?”   
“ I could ask the same to you.” Kurt muttered back avoiding eye contact as he raised the mug to his mouth. Blaine shrugged and he ran his fingers through his disorganised curls. “It’s performance year. I figure we all need to work a little bit harder, especially if we want a lead role in the show.”   
At the comment Kurt clenches his hands around the hot cup of coffee, wincing as the heat burns his hand, he attempts to keep a straight face hoping Blaine doesn’t see his pain. “ Are you going for a run? Fancy some company?” Blaine smiled. “I’m meeting Finn to work on some footwork.” Kurt lied, he had promised his brother he’d help him master his Grand Adage as Finn just didn’t seem to have the balance but he’d definitely wouldn’t be awake now. “ Like Finn would be awake now.” Blaine laughed. Shit. Kurt panicked. “ What do you want Blaine?”   
“ A house, Kids, a successful career.” Blaine joked knowing that wasn’t what Kurt was asking however he hurriedly answered once he saw the disapproval written on Kurt’s face. “Nothin’, I swear,” he mumbled as he poured himself a bowl of cheerios. “Want some?” He offered the box out to Kurt who promptly turned his nose up. “You’ll eat something though?” Blaine continued as he reached for the milk Kurt had previously used.  
“Are you my mother?”  
“Are you avoiding my question?” Blaine was taken back at the reference to Kurt’s mom as he’d heard how much it had effected the boy. Kurt then further shocked Blaine by grabbing a second spoon and dunking it into his cheerios. “Thanks.” Kurt said as he dropped the spoon back into bowl, the milk shooting up and splashing Blaine. Before Blaine could look up to wipe the milk off of his face he heard the apartment door shut. Kurt then heard Blaine shout “You’re Welcome!” 

Kurt secured in his airpods, selects the wicked sound track, a guilty pleasure of his. As the opening bars of No One Mourns the Wicked filled his ears he tried to clear his mind and ran, ran, ran. 

Occasionally Kurt’s footsteps would match the four/four timing of music. Whilst in the streets Kurt repressed the urge to dance in public, he’d save that for the comfort of his room. But he couldn’t even do that anymore without fear of an unwanted spectator. Kurt’s mind drifted to the fantasy of being a broadway star, maybe he’d try and fail at that after he’d be forced to retire from ballet. Kurt despised that thought of retiring before his career had even started. When Kurt felt the soft cotton of his hoodie dampen he knew today wouldn’t be his day. Instead of calling it a day, like a sane human, Kurt pushed himself to run faster to finish the last 2K of his run before he’d return back to the apartment. Maybe it all would have been ok, maybe Kurt could have gotten over the fact that it was raining, if not for the puddle he didn’t notice on the side of the street. The puddle that he ran right past as a car drove right through it. The puddle that soaked the entire right half of his body, ruining his hair and hoody, mere feet away from returning to the school.  
Emphasis on today not being his day.   
  
7.26am

Kurt had scrubbed his face and hair dry and free of the damp rain smell he’d previously acquired. The smell was still there if you came close enough. Knowing Rachel she’d complain when they warmed up together. During their warmup they’d gossip whilst stretching against the Barre but it seems like the pair both had complaints about their roommates.   
“Quinn spends ages in the bathroom!” was Rachel’s main point whilst Kurt had reference Blaine’s attempts at murdering Kurt to which Rachel laughed and told him he was being dramatic. Usually their warmup would be more intense and if they felt up to it they’d practice partnering but neither where important on the first day of term. The whole year buzzed with adrenaline and curious as Madam Tibideaux would announce the Winter Show and when the auditions where. 

The majority of the class, all but Blaine, Kurt noticed, arrived around quarter to Eight,before class started. Most seemed excited, chatting amongst themselves and discussing what ‘rumours’ they’d heard about what the show was going to be.

Last year had put on a spectacular performance of the Nutcracker and Brittany, the star of that year — and Santana’s ex-girlfriend- had played the Snow queen, dancing the solo with flare and delicacy that Kurt knew no one could ever do the routine the same. Rachel had played Clara, as students in their second to last year where allowed to audition for supporting roles. Kurt was glad Blaine hadn’t auditioned. 

Blaine still hadn’t turned up, Kurt wasn’t surprised. Why the hell would he be waking up so early if he planned to waltz into class as usual. Kurt guessed that Blaine maybe playing some long term psyche game because he knew that Kurt would be annoyed at Blaine’s company so early. At a minute to eight, Blaine sauntered into the room, and headed to the seat beside Sam and Mike. Blaine fitted into their conversation as though he’d be there the entire time.

Silence consumed room as Madam Tibideaux entered. Every head whipped up and every dancers eyes were trained on her with a sharp, almost hungry focus. Madam Tibideaux was a nightmare if you weren’t in her good books, however her favourites claimed she was one one the best. Kurt knew he at wasn’t top of Tibideaux’s list but he’d say he made top 5 on a good day. He aimed for top 2 by the end of the year, he’d never replace Rachel. “Good morning, and welcome back.” She spoke softly, but she knew everyone was hanging on to her every word. The choral reply of voices was almost imminent, “ Good Morning Madam Tibideaux.” The satisfied smirk that graced the woman’s face could have been mistaken for a smile rather than the power-driven look she bore. Kurt had heard all the rumours of how Madam Tibideaux had pushed a student so  
hard they quit or cried, Kurt didn’t know which one was worse.  
“This year will test you, push you and will perhaps be the most difficult year of your entire lives. Do you have what it takes to make the Company?” The tone of her voice was cold and cutting, and Kurt avoided eye contact at the fear of humiliation, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and felt Rachel squeeze his hand. Madam Tibideaux continued with her big scary speech, Kurt attempted to zone out most of it in attempts to not be intimidated, Kurt assumed everyone in the room was drowning in anticipation, clinging onto Madam Tibideaux’s words in hopes there’d be some hint about the Winter Show. There was none. 

The production, as you all know, was The Nutcracker last year.” She was really going to milk it as long as she could, though Kurt couldn’t say he was surprised. “ This year, however, we wanted a piece with depth and turmoil, a piece that will challenge you physically and emotionally, something different and memorable to make those sob as the applaud in awe.” Possibilities flew through Kurt’s head, Giselle? Romeo and Juliet? both had potential and a strong male lead for Kurt to audition for which meant pairing with Rachel as usual.

“ Auditions will begin on Saturday in a fortnight, Monsieur Schuester decides to give you two weeks of preparation, which is generous if you ask me. If I had my way you’d be auditioning today and we’d see who has been keeping up on their training and who.” she glared at Finn and a few other students Kurt didn’t know. “has been slacking. That being said the winter production will be Swan Lake.” she finished quickly as thought the information wasn’t important.  
Kurt instinctively turned to look at Blaine. The briefly stared at each other the same pure desire and passion mirrored in the others eyes.   
Prince Siegfried has always been Kurt’s dream role, it had been the first ballet he’d ever seen with his mom and the last before she had died. Blaine too shared the dream of playing Siegfried, they’d bonded and imagined putting on their own performance of Swan Lake together, having playful arguments over who would play Odette.

Kurt had always been slightly more feminine that Blaine, and whilst growing up was usually relegated to being picked up and twirled. Blaine who was shorter than Kurt would be blinded by Kurt’s torso or back of his head as he lifted the boy and more than often they’d en up on the floor in a fit of giggles but now reminiscing felt like a slap to the face. 

A loud clap echoed around the rehearsal studios and everyone scrambled to the barre from the chairs where they’d previously been sitting. Rachel stood proudly at the front of the right barre whilst Blaine leisurely walked over to the his usual spot at the front of the left barre. Kurt frowned noticing his brother had stolen his spot beside Quinn and was now lumped with the last spot left which was infront of Satan. He meant Santana. Santana was an extremely beautiful dancer hoever she had a bite that had seemed to worsened with the absence of Brittany. As he expected Satan. SANTANA. He corrected himself glared at him as he slid into the empty space. If looks could kill Kurt was sure Santana would have murdered the population of a small town.

“ What have I done to be blessed with the presence of Porcelain?’ She asked in an almost mocking tone. “ I had no other choice.” He mumbled rolling his eyes. “ I don’t bite, you know,’ she said flexing and pointing her feet as she tied her hair into a smooth low pony.  
“ I don’t want to invade your personal space,” his cheeks reddening as Santana smirked her eyes scanning Kurt. “ Rather you than Green Giant,” she chuckled referring to Finn. Kurt loved his step-brother but god knows how he’d made it this far through a DANCE school.

Kurt let his face slip into a smile and brushed the free falling strand of his quiff back into place. He placed his left hand on the Barre, ready for class to begin.

Kurt rolled his eyes ( he seemed to do that a lot in the presence of Blaine) as Madam Tibideaux’s eyes remained glued on Blaine as everyone began going over their warm up combination. In her defense, Kurt could admit that Blaine looked beautiful when he danced. Not that Kurt watched Blaine when he danced.

Blaine’s eyes where almost dark with drive, the nonchalant air he carried Kurt believed would be translated into Blaine’s dance but watching Blaine flex and extend his right arm with such elegance reminded Kurt of the joy and love that they had shared as children. The love Blaine clearly still had. 

Kurt could appreciate the male form and the leg extension Blaine was achieving in the combination he was marking out. Shit. Fuck. The combination Kurt just missed by staring at Blaine’s bloody legs. He turned to Santana with wide desperate eyes. “ Santana, what’s the combo?’ his face pleads.  
“Busy checking out eyebrows?’ She teased.  
Red consumed the cheeks as Kurt attempted to stammer out an answer. “ I- erm- no—-yes.” He looked away from Santana checking Madam Tibideaux’s position in the room.  
“ Trade with me.”   
“What?”  
“Move,Hummel,’ She hissed, pulling him behind her and stepping into where he was.   
“ Follow me for the right steps and the mirror onto the left” She whispered  
Kurt could have kissed her, but being slapped was not on his list of things to do today. “Thanks Santana, I owe you one.”  
“ Whatever, Thumbelina, check shortstuff out on your own time,” She smacked his ass and continued on with the combo.

The rest of the class went relatively smoothly, Kurt keeping his eyes firmly off of Blaine and his mind and attention intensely upon Madame Tibideaux and he was back clinging at every critique that came out of her mouth. By the end of class he’d even been complimented on his grand jeté something that he’d spent months perfecting and editing till he felt confident that he could repeat the move in his sleep.

—————————————————————-  
“ K, you have to be Odette!’  
“ But I don’t want to. I want to be the Prince,” Kurt complained crossing his arms firmly infront of him.  
“ Why don’t ever have to?”   
Blaine nearly bounced as he shrugged, grin taking over his face. “Because!!” Blaine insisted, not being able to form a clear coherent reason.  
“I’m not going to be the girl when we actually partner though” Kurt argued   
“ Please, K. For me?” Not the puppy dog eyes. Kurt will always give in to the power of Blaine’s wide hazel pleading eyes.  
“ Fine.” Blaine bounced up and down with excitement grabbing Kurt’s hand and dragging him into a more open area of Blaine’s garden. Blaine’s parents where rich enough to have an indoor studio for Blaine to rehearse but Blaine seemed adamant in practicing outside under the sun.

“Just wait until we’re at school,” Blaine always said, “We’ll be able to dance together day and night, whenever we want!”  
Kurt had thought that spending all his time with Blaine and dancing sounded like a dream. The would ideally room together meaning they could watch musicals and mess around with his best friend in the world. They’d spend ten years together and it would be the best years of their lives.

“ Hold up.” Kurt said after the pair had attempted a range of different lifts, not all where successful. “If I’m Odette does that mean I get to do the thirty-two fouettes?”  
“Kurt,you can barely do one fouette,”Blaine laughed. Kurt smacked him on the shoulder.  
“Oh, Mr. I-can-do-five-so-I’m-so-fancy. I’m just saying , technically I get the big turn section if I have to be Odette!” Kurt smirked, raising one eyebrow as Blaine laughed softly.  
He thought for a moment. “Well technically, that’s Odile.”  
“But they’re usually played by the same person!” Kurt wasn’t going to let up so easily. “That means I get to do it.”  
“Hmmm,” Blaine pretended to consider, squinting his eyes for effect. “Ok. You win. Go, Odile, impress me with your fouettes and I’ll see if you deserve a standing ovation.” Blaine knew he’d give Kurt a standing ovation even if he fell out of his first turn.   
Kurt chuckled “ I’m afraid you cannot cash in 32 tourette’s at the moment, please return when I turn,” He paused to think for a moment. “17!”   
Blaine laughed and squeezed Kurt into a tight hug. Kurt wasn’t one for physical contact but he felt safe with Blaine.  
“ That’s years away!” Blaine huffed crossing his arms.  
“ I think we will have performed Swan Lake at some point! And if not then I can showcase my set of fouettes and everyone can be jealous!”  
“ We can do a touring two man show!”  
Blaine giggles as he fell out of a turn he was messing around in.   
“ So I’ll be Odette for our show and in the real Swan Lake production, I’ll be the Prince!” Kurt smiled as he watched his friend feign injury.  
“ The Klaine Ballet Tour!” Blaine added.  
“ I suppose more of your name is in the title because you’re letting me do the fouettés.”  
Kurt rolled his eyes, kicking Blaines ‘injured ankle’ in mockery.   
“Deal?” Kurt asked raising his eyebrow.  
“Deal!” Blaine repeated, smiling as though he’d just negotiated some form of business deal. 

The image of Blaine’s wide smile and hazel eyes haunting Kurt as he jolted awake. Shit. Anderson’s back in his dreams. He hadn’t dreamed of Blaine since they where kids and Kurt would dream of holding Blaines hand as the toured the country for their two man show. Kurt rolled over looking at the pale blue clock beside his bed. It was barely 2 in the morning. He internally cursed himself, now Blaine was taunting him in his sleep as well as during the day. The poor boy couldn’t catch a break. Kurt buried his face into his pillow case the image of white instead of Blaine more calming, although if Kurt thought hard for a moment he could still see the smile. He had memorised it after all. Kurt reminisced upon the happy  
moments they’d shared as best friends before they’d grown to detest one another. He missed how simple their friendship had been, how he didn’t have to play someone he wasn’t and how Blaine could always make him smile. He didn’t need Blaine. Fuck Blaine. He was happy, he had Finn, Rachel and Elliot even if Finn and Rachel seemed to constantly be arguing.   
He tossed and turned in his sheets aimlessly knowing he wouldn’t get back to sleep ; half worried memories of Blaine would reappear. That was a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments! They make me smile!

Kurt was washed over with relief as their hip hop class came to a close, it was his least favourite style probably because it was also his weakest, however if asked Kurt would claim he didn’t enjoy ‘jerking like a drunk child’. The week had been a teachers worst nightmare; the class taking twice aslong as they should to pick up a simple combo. Everyone, a bit out of shape ; some( Finn he thought) more than others. Not even Rachel or Blaine with their at home studios had managed to keep as conditioned as last term. The intense hours of training where disliked but they worked. They all took their corrections and criticisms knowing that they where the harsh realities of slacking for 6 weeks. 

Kurt was pretty sure he’d clocked more hours than Finn and Elliot combined and more than anyone in general and he’d been back for less than a week. Rachel had absconded him that he’d hurt himself and taking care of himself was important. Despite Rachel’s nag, it was definitely a nag, Kurt’s determination remained as strong, he was going to get Prince Siegfried; he’d show Anderson, he’d show his past bullies and he’d for sure prove Madam Tibideaux wrong. He quickly pushed down the thought of not getting the part, deciding internally that, that simply wasn’t an option.  
He’d walk all nonchalant into his audition as if he was guaranteed the role and the audition was just a mild formality. It’s what Rachel and Blaine would be doing for sure.  
He noticed the attitude Santana and even Tina had towards Rachel. This underlying anger at the knowledge that Odette was guaranteed to Rachel. Kurt supposed there was a mild chance he’d get the role he wanted. He felt Odette was set in stone but Prince Siegfried in comparison was not. But he could just be optimistic.

Kurt quickly folded his things into his dance bag and headed to studio three, where he’d basically begged Rachel to practise their partnering. She agreed like it was a chore but Kurt knew she was glad to have atleast one friend. She was already there when he friend the corner,into the studio. As she finished twisting her hair into a tight bun she turned to him, “ Its been a while,”  
He smirked in return. “. You do what you’ve got  
to do...”  
Rachel rolled her eyes, “ Seriously Kurt, everyone can see the growth you’ve had over the past 6 months and we partner perfectly together, It would be a ballet crime if you didn’t get to dance with me.” Kurt withheld his eye roll in response because even thought he knew she was trying to comfort him, Rachel had yet again made the situation about herself. “ It isn’t about dancing with you Rach, It’s about the role of my dreams.” Kurt couldn’t quite audibly describe the yearn he felt. This wasn’t just another show for him. This show would define his career and would be an experience remembered by the company for years. She didn’t respond,instead gently squeezing his hand in understanding. There was no one else he could do that with, not even Finn. She freed his hand as the chords of funny girl filled the studio ; Rachel turned her attention to her phone a blush spreading across her cheeks.  
Kurt cleared his throat pointedly causing Rachel to look up questioningly as though nothing had just happened.  
“ Who is it?’ He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “ Finn?”

Finn had met Rachel, through Kurt obviously. When Kurt’s Dad and Carol got married Kurt gained a giant who went by the name Finn. Finn had joined Kurt at one of his dance lessons as a form of ‘brotherly bonding’ and Rachel had grown smitten. Their relationship didn’t truly bloom until the pair had almost be separated when Finn had considered not attending The American Ballet School. Kurt found their relationship absolutely sickening, it didn’t help that he never knew whether they where together or not.  
“No,” she scoffed, turning her gaze back to the screen.  
“Then?” He inquired slowly, elongating the word for emphasis.  
She ignored him for a moment, engrossed in the response. “ It’s nothing,’ Kurt suspiciously raised his eyebrows. “ Seriously ,” she added, rolling her eyes.  
“Sure.”“Sure,” she mocked, sticking out her tongue childishly. “What about you, any hot guys catching your eye recently? Are you seeing Finn?” she asked with a faux gasp, hardly containing her laughter. Rachel had been the only person Kurt had admitted his awkward brotherly crush too and at times he for sure regretted it.  
“Hilarious, Rachel, truly,” he deadpanned, avoiding her question. It was no secret that he was gay, and it was also no secret, at least to everyone who knew him well, that he had never dated anyone before. Actually, his longest relationship might have been with Brittany when he was fifteen. He cringed when he thought back on it. He’d been at the height of his repression of his sexuality and she’d been cute and nice, and had offered since she had to keep her record ‘on track’.  
To answer Rachel’s interrogation like question, no. He had never really had the time to think about romance and now there was no way he would.  
Yes,” he told her, “I have one, actually.”  
“Oh?” she prompted excitedly. “Who?”  
“Prince Siegfried.”  
She rolled her eyes again. “You are impossible .”  
“ Merci,” he chuckled, standing up and holding out a hand. She grabbed on and allowed herself to be pulled up from the ground. “Now, we dance.”  
“ Now. we dance.” she repeated back, rolling out her shoulders and wrist before turning to face the mirror.  
He moved behind her and allowed her a few moments to prepare, a few relevés, a few practice pirouettes and balances in retiré before he grabbed her hands and began spinning her, moving his hands to her waist as she spun around.  
And around.  
And around.  
And around.  
And around.

  
Saturday 13:42 

Kurt sighed, opening the unlocked door to his room. The unlocked part meant Blaine was somewhere inside probably dossing around in The Blaine Anderson Style. Contrast to Kurt’s beliefs Blaine was sitting in the living room ; hunched over his laptop a puzzled frown plastered across his face. Kurt realised he must be doing the general studies work probably Math, Kurt added mentally. All of their courses were taught online, so they could complete assignments at their own pace as long as they where handed in by the Sunday morning of each week. Shit. Kurt had been so caught up in practicing his audition he’d forgot on about this work and there’s no way he’d be given a lead role if he couldn’t keep up academically.  
“I was worried you’d forget about our actual schoolwork.” Blaine’s voice was soft enough that Kurt hadn’t realized he was being addressed at first. Kurt paused where he stood at the counter, washing out his water bottle.  
“You weren’t hoping I’d forget so I wasn’t eligible to audition for the show?” Kurt shot back.  
Blaine’s head whipped up as if stunned by Kurt’s response. Maybe he was doing a better job at avoiding Blaine than he’d thought. “ We shouldn’t be stressed for auditions.” Blaine smiled perhaps attempting to offer Kurt some form of comfort. It made Kurt despise him a little bit more.  
“Maybe you should be?” Kurt shut of the sink, picking his satchel up from bedside the kitchen island and headed to his room, aggressively shutting the door before Blaine could reply.

He opened his laptop and blasted his music through his headphones, drowning out any possibility of distraction so he could get his work done and possibly return to the studio later that night for extra rehearsal time. He still didn’t have the solo audition piece completely memorized, and he only had about a week left to perfect it.  
Thankfully, there were only three lesson videos for him to watch, each one requiring the completion of an assignment to go along with it. Straightforward enough.  
Kurt got to work, taking notes as he went, finding that he was actually interested in some of the material they were learning. Weirdly enough, he’d always been drawn to art and design, and he was quite good at it. Maybe in another life he wasn’t a dancer, but an aspiring fashion designer, It was almost laughable for him to think of himself as anything other than a dancer, but maybe a universe existed where it wasn’t such an odd concept.  
As a reward for himself, he watched a few episodes of a tv show he was into at the moment, forgetting for a minute that the time he spent watching tv probably should have been spent in the studio.  
By the time he emerged from his bedroom to use the bathroom, he had assumed Blaine would already be in his room or asleep. No such luck, he realized, seeing Blaine sitting on the couch and scribbling into a notebook. Kurt couldn’t tell exactly what he was doing, but Blaine had always loved composing as a kid, so maybe it was a habit he’d maintained. Blaine poked his head up from what he was doing when Kurt exited the bathroom, shutting the notebook gently. “What’s up?”  
Kurt looked behind him to see if maybe Sam had walked in and he just hadn’t noticed. He heard Blaine laugh softly. “Hummel? Are you ok?”  
“You were talking to me?” Kurt asked slowly, still not convinced. What about any of their interactions over the past eight years had told Blaine they were at the ‘casual conversations’ stage of a friendship? Or even at any stage of a friendship?  
“Who else would I be talking to?” Blaine asked, cocking his head to the side, his tangled mess of hair somehow still defying gravity. Kurt shrugged and continued walking back to his room. “Wait,” Blaine said, “You’re not going to eat?”  
“I already did,” Kurt said, not turning around. He felt a hand grab his arm and turn him around, stunned a moment to be so close to Blaine, who was looking at him intensely. “I made dinner,” Blaine said.  
Kurt scrunched up his face in confusion. “And? I ate before I came back from the studio with Rachel.” He wrenched his arm from Blaine’s grip but didn’t move any further, wanting an explanation for the weird parental behavior.  
Blaine looked away somewhat shyly. “I… I’m just trying to be a good roommate.” The words came out clumsily, as if they hadn’t been what he really wanted to say.  
“A good roommate,” Kurt repeated.  
Blaine didn’t say anything, looking at the ground, then back up at Kurt. The look in his eyes was unreadable, but familiar at the same time. It sort of felt like Blaine was able to see right through Kurt and he didn’t know how far he could go before he ended up pushing too far. Kurt hated it, this familiarity. There should have been no familiarity left between them.  
“I was Mike’s roommate for years, you know,” Blaine said at last.  
Kurt didn’t know why this was relevant. “Ok?”  
“Mike talked about his friends sometimes,” Blaine continued , “And you’re one of his friends or Tina’s friends..”  
“Are you really still trying to, what, psych me out? Tell me you know my weaknesses or something? Cool, Mike talked about me. He never talked about you to me, if that’s what you want to hear.” Kurt raised his eyebrows incredulously as Blaine rolled his eyes. “I haven’t given a shit about your daily habits in eight years, and neither have you, so why pretend now?”  
It wasn’t strictly true, Kurt had cared a bit too much for a bit too long, but Blaine didn’t need to know that. “You know what? Fine. If this is what we’re going to do, how we’re going to live, fine. Excuse me for trying.” Blaine raised his hands in surrender, stalking away to his bedroom. Just before he closed the door, he added, “But just so you’re aware, I’m not going to pretend I don’t notice.”  
Notice what? Kurt would have asked had Blaine not slammed the door shut in a manner similar to the way Lucas generally did. He hadn’t realized how harsh it could be from the other side. Whatever, if anyone deserved it, it was Blaine Devon Andersmell.

Monday 13:14

Kurt had spent his Sunday split between getting work done in advance (to avoid another chaotic study session )and perfecting his audition piece in the studio as the Auditions loomed. When he’d left for his run this morning, Blaine had sat at the kitchen island observing Kurt before leaving the silence almost eerie the remains of their tiff still salting the air. Maybe Anderson would just let them drift through the year in uncomfortable silence. It wasn’t great, but it was a hell of a lot better than him trying to be a ‘good roommate’.

Finn, Mike and Kurt were off campus for their lunch break that day, Finn had managed to coerce the trio to stopping at one of his favourite cafes. Kurt hadn’t wanted to leave but the boys had convinced him that Artie would be free to meet up with them.  
“ Hey! Gang high five! ‘ Artie attempted to greet the group but was met by a clumsy fist bump from Finn whilst Kurt simply just rolled his eyes in response. Kurt wasn’t entirely sure how Artie had become a part of their friend group after his accident but he was now a breath of fresh air from the competitive swamps of the Ballet world.  
“ What’s up at Ballet school? Artie asked.  
Finn shrugged shovelling food into his mouth like he’d been starving.  
Mike answered for him instead. “Nothing much, ballet this, ballet that the occasional hip hop sequence.”  
“ You answer like I didn’t dance at all” Artie nodded, laughing.  
Kurt frowned. “Nothing much? Tell that to my callouses. I’ve been in the studio nonstop.”  
“Ah,” Finn chimed in swallowing something, and pointing at Kurt with his fork, “That’s because you’re crazy.”  
“I am not,” Kurt said defensively, looking at Mike for backup. Mike merely bit his lip, holding back a smile. Kurt scoffed, slapping Finny on the arm. “And you Brother? I’m just trying to be prepared for auditions.”  
“Kurt, I say this from a place of caring, but I don’t think working yourself to death is going to do you any favors when you pass out from exhaustion in the middle of auditions,” Finn said matter-of-factly.  
Kurt huffed, crossing his arms. “I will not pass out from exhaustion. I sleep.”  
“Do you though?” Mike asked knowingly, and maybe he had a point. It wasn’t from a lack of trying. He’d actually been trying to get to sleep earlier to be well rested for practices, but his brain had other ideas. It wasn’t something he could just will away, as much as he wanted to.  
“Yeah, dude, I didn’t want to say anything, but I could probably see your under eye bags from Mars,” Artie added hesitantly. Kurt shoved his food away angrily. “I didn’t come here for you to all gang up on me,” he fumed, knowing their worries were probably justified, but still being too stubborn to admit it.  
Artie threw his hands up in surrender. “I just call it like I see it.”  
“Whatever,” Kurt sighed dejectedly, stabbing a piece of lettuce with his fork angrily. Mike and Finn exchanged a look, the latter clearing his throat. “So, Artie, how’s non-ballet school?”  
Artie shrugged, readjusting his glasses . “ It’s odd and Tina isn’t there.”  
Mike gave Artie a small dirty look that Kurt noticed.  
“Uh, yeah, Artie, she goes to school with us.”  
Artie frowned. “Oh yeah. Well, she’s hosting a party Saturday night if you’re all interested. I think she already told the girls about it.” Finn mentioned.  
“We are definitely going,” Artie responded immediately, “How much booze?”  
Mike laughed, “It’s T , I’m sure we’ll be covered.”  
“Excellent! You guys in?” he asked Kurt and Finn.  
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Finn said. They all turned to Kurt expectantly. He folded in on himself a bit, twisting his lips uncertainly.  
“I don’t know…”  
“Come on , Kurtsie,” Mike pleaded, giving Kurt his biggest, poutiest expression. Kurt wouldn’t be swayed so easily. “The casting comes out that night, I won’t be much fun anyways, I’ll be too stressed,” he argued.  
“Fair,” Finn agreed, “But what kind of brother would I be if I let you wallow in anxiety, alone , with only Blaine for company?”  
Finn had a point.  
“Woah, woah, woah, Blaine? That douche Mike rooms with?” Artie cut in.  
“He’s not a douche,” Mike said, ignoring Kurt’s glare.  
“Yes he is,” Kurt corrected.  
Mike sighed. “He’s not a douche to me . But yes, that Blaine.”  
Artie pulled an intrigued face hinting for the story to continue. “ There was a switcheroo with the rooms this year. Kurtsie got stuck with his arch-nemesis and I’m with Finn and Sam “They’re in love,” Finn joked before changing to the reality of the situation. “ I’m surprised Blaine’s still alive.”  
“Only just,” Kurt mumbled under his breath, quiet enough that his friends couldn’t hear. He knew that they thought his rivalry with Blaine was ridiculous. Even Finn, who knew most of the details of their friendship and had to deal with the aftermath. He knew it was annoying to them, it was annoying to him too, but as long as Blaine was there, he was problem number one on Kurt’s mind. Not wanting to subject Finn and Mike to another rant about Blaine he said, “Fine. I’ll go to the party.”  
Artie lit up. “Really?”  
“Really.”  
“Really, really?” Mike confirmed.  
“Really, really.”  
Finn, Artie and Mime cheered, earning them glares from an elderly woman sitting a few tables over. “This is going to be the best night ever!” Finn promised, and Kurt hoped he was right, but for a different reason.  
Just because he was going to a party, it didn’t mean he wouldn’t be checking his emails obsessively for the cast list. Hopefully he’d have something to celebrate but, if not, at least he’s have an excuse to drown his sorrows.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audition time!! Also Jake and Santana are now siblings because I didn’t wanna write in Noah.

Chapter 4  
Wednesday 8.00

Nervous Kurt paced. Nervous Kurt, stretched and that’s what he did whilst waiting for his audition. He paced the corridor stoping every 4 steps to alternate between a right,centre and left side split as if it was some cure to his nerves.  
Occasionally he’d stop beside Rachel and she would hold his leg in a over split whilst attempting to calm her self with some untranslated babble.  
Whilst Rachel was in her little bubble mentally marking out her routine muttering some dance terms, Santana approached Kurt whilst he was stretching and looked at him pointedly.  
He took out one of his earbuds and raised his eyebrows at her. “Yes?”  
“I just wanted to wish you luck,” she said casually. He raised his eyebrows further. Santana wasn’t usually one to wish him luck or compliment him. They’d stood beside one another at the barre since the first day but they hadn’t really talked much outside of class, at least no more than they normally did.  
“You… wanted to wish me luck?” he clarified, shifting from a split to butterfly position, rolling out his feet as he spoke.  
She rolled her eyes. “ Yes.”  
“Ok…”  
She rolled her eyes again. “You could say thank you.”  
“Thank you, Santana. Can I ask why you’re suddenly concerned with wishing me luck?” He propped his elbows on his ankles and leaned forward to put his chin in his hands.  
“ Because .” She glanced to the side, lowering her voice. “I’m rooting for you.”  
He was surprised by her explanation. “Really? I thought you and Sam were friends, and isn’t Blaine friends with your girlfriend?”  
She shrugged. “Sam doesn’t want the Prince. He wants Benno. And Blaine… well, Blaine’s my friend too, but he doesn’t need my luck.”  
“Thanks a lot.”  
“I’m not saying he’s better than you, I think you have a real chance at the role Kurt unlike us girls.”  
He furrowed his brows. “ What are you talking about?”  
Santana lowered her voice, but Rachel was still in a daze, headphones in her ears.  
““Please, we both know Odette is Rachel’s role and they’re probably just going to go ahead and cast her as Odile as well.” She grimaced, but looked resigned to the fact. He understood how she felt, it was how he’d always felt about Blaine. He wanted to argue with her, tell her that he thought she had a fighting chance as well, but it would have sounded hollow. They both knew it wasn’t true.  
“Well, good luck regardless. Maybe you’ll be the Queen Mother,” he suggested.  
She gave him a half smile. “Maybe. I’ll just settle for not being cut.”  
“Psshh, come on, that doesn’t sound like the badass Santana know. You’re going to get a role, and it’ll be better than Odette, but don’t tell Rachel I said that,” he said, grinning at her.  
She laughed and held out a hand. “I won’t tell if you don’t tell anyone I wished you luck. My reputation would be ruined.”  
He clasped her hand and shook it once. “Deal.”

The door to the studio opened and Finn came out, widening his eyes at Kurt and shrugging helplessly. That wasn’t a very promising reaction, but Kurt knew Finn’s heart wasn’t in Ballet as much as other people.  
“Kurt Hummel?” Madame Sylvester called, as if he wasn’t right in front of her. He stood and took a deep breath, looking back down a moment at Santana before starting towards the door.  
“Break a leg,” she whispered to him as he went, and he couldn’t help but smile. As the door closed behind him and he stood in front of all of his instructors waiting to be judged, he was filled with a surge of confidence. He could do this.  
He smiled again to himself as the music came on, and he let himself remember the days he and Blaine spent rehearsing this same piece back when they were seven, eight years old. Granted, they hadn’t known how to do any of the steps at the time, but he was just as passionate about the dance then as he was now. He channeled that passion, feeling every movement, every pause, every breath, forgetting that this was even a competition at all.

Friday 21.49  
Kurt’s mind just couldn’t wander from anywhere but the auditions. Sure, they’d felt great at the time, but what if he was being overconfident? What if he really wasn’t as good as he thought he was? Why did he have to wait until tomorrow night to find out if he’d achieved one of his dreams or failed miserably?  
He sat in a slightly catatonic state on the couch, not even worried if Blaine would show up and try to engage with him in any way. Blaine, oddly enough, hadn’t even returned to the room yet, even though auditions were long over. Kurt decided not to think about it too much, decided to just be grateful.  
His phone buzzed at his side and he picked it up to see that he had a message from Finn in a group with him and Mike He rolled his eyes at the fact that Finn was texting them when he was just down the hall from Kurt and a room away from Sam.  
GROUP CREATED: ballet bros  
Finn: Feeling up to talking about auditions yet, anyone?  
Kurt: *insert zombie noise here*  
Finn: Oh, good for you little bro, glad to hear it  
Kurt : Just come in here if you guys want to talk, Blaine’s god knows where so I’m alone  
Finn: Can’t, I’m making noodles  
Finn: Also, is out  
Kurt: You can come in here?  
Kurt: I physically cannot move. I will not be able to move until cast lists are posted.  
Finn : You are so dramatic  
Kurt: Wait, where’s Mike?  
Finn : Where isn’t Arthur is the better question  
Mike Chang changed the group name to “ballet hoes”  
Mike: You’d better be able to move before results are up! The party, remember? Night of our lives?  
Kurt: He lives!  
Finn: Night of our lives might be a stretch, but Arthur's got the right spirit  
Kurt: I don’t know guys…  
Mike: Come on, Kurtsie. You promisedddddd  
Finn: ^^^  
Kurt: Ughhhhhhh  
Mike: Would it make it better if I told you that there will be a ton of hot guys there? Or I took my shirt off?  
Kurt: …  
Mike : No? Damn, I thought that’d do it for sure  
Mike : Would for me  
Mike : Fuck, I miss Tina, the only one I could freely thirst with  
Kurt: Easy there, loverboy she’s down the corridor  
Kurt: I’m just not really in a dating mindset, there’s more important things for me to be focusing on like, hmm, I don’t know, ballet?  
Kurt: Who said anything about dating?  
Kurt: For once in my life I wish Finn would talk.  
Finn: … I regret to inform you I’m with Mike on this one  
Kurt: I hate you both  
Finn: Hey! Come on, what’s so bad about a one-time hookup? Might help you get the stick out of your ass  
Mike : Or in your ass  
Kurt :Michael Chang!  
Mike : Technically that’s my dad  
Kurt: I’m blocking both of you  
Kurt: I hate you  
Mike: Hate us all you want, you know we’re right  
Kurt Hummel has left the group “ballet hoes”  
He did know they were probably right, which was why he left. He didn’t want to deal with anything other than his own melancholy at the present moment. Then again, a ton of hot guys didn’t sound like the worst thing in the world. If anything, it could help distract him.  
Mike Chang added Kurt Hummel to the group “ballet hoes”  
Mike: Not so fast Hummel  
Kurt: Should have blocked when I had the chance  
Finn: You could never block us and you know it  
Kurt: So…  
Kurt: What time is the party again?  
Mike: WE GOT HIM  
Finn: HELL YEAH  
Mike: It’s at 10 but we’ll probably get there a little later  
Mike: Fashionably late is back in style  
Finn: And it’s going to take you an extra hour to pick out your outfit  
Mike: Yes, that too  
Kurt: Fine, fine. The booze had better be worth it  
Mike: *boys, but yes  
Kurt Hummel has changed the group name to “I hate both of you so much :)”  
Mike Chang has changed the group name to “Way harsh, Hummel”  
Finn Hudson changed has changed the group name to “Mike and Finn are the best.”  
Kurt Hummel has left the group “Mike and Finn are the best.”

Saturday 22.43  
“What’s up bitches!” Tina greeted Finn, Kurt and Mike at the door giving Mike a quick kiss. There was already quite a few people there and Kurt felt a bit anxious about arriving at the time they did. He very much liked to be places on time or early and even though this was a party, he couldn’t help but feel his stomach twist at the thought of being so late.  
Tina pulled Kurt into a hug and he hugged her back tightly. He’d missed how close they’d been when they where younger but Kurt’s drive and determination often came at a cost in this case he and Tina had grown apart over the past few years. Kurt was pulled away from Tina by Finn’s hand gripping his arm and pulling him further into the house, either in search of Rachel or for drinks. The bottles he met at the table confirmed it was the latter. Kurt pondered a moment about whether the extra calories would be worth it, but decided he could risk it for the night. It wasn’t like he drank often enough for it to cause a problem for him.  
Finn mixed him up something that tasted awful, but that was to be expected. He downed as much of it as he could in one gulp, staying true to his plan to try to get so drunk he’d forget that he was a mess of anxiety over the casting that was due to be released in any minute.

“Easy there, save some for the rest of us.” Finn patted Kurt’s shoulder and refilled his drink before drifting away into the middle of the crowd; he was more than likely now searching for Rachel. Mike stayed with Kurt, watching from afar.“ You should go dance with Tina,’ Kurt suggested not wanting Mike to feel obligated to stay.  
“ In a moment,” Mike smiled looking off into the dancing crowd. Kurt looked in the direction of Mike’s staring. Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Tina and Rachel dancing with Mercedes in a little circle of their own, each of them with a smile plastered on their faces. Santana had her hands wrapped around Brittany’s waist the two almost one dancing organism, if Kurt and Santana weren’t becoming friends he’d have viewed the couple as sickening. Artie was with Finn (who had clearly failed at breaching the girl circle) and was attempting to teach Finn how to do Robot Arms and was failing miserably.

Santana’s brother Jake was even there, standing in a corner chatting with Sam and Blaine. Wait- Blaine? What was he doing there? Kurt racked his brain to try to remember if Blaine had mentioned that he would be out that night, but Kurt quickly realised he hadn’t seen Blaine all day. He hadn’t come back to their room until nearly one in the morning the night before, going straight to bed without saying a word to Kurt, and then was gone before Kurt woke up that morning. He wasn’t complaining, but it was a bit weird.  
It still didn’t answer why Blaine was there, either. Sure, he was friends with Sam and Jake, but as far as Kurt knew he and Tina hadn’t been very close, that’s when Kurt realised that Mike may have mentioned the party to Blaine at some point.  
Mike noticed Blaine at the same time Kurt did and sighed. “Ignore him, Kurt.”  
It’s not that easy , he wanted to say, even though it should have been. Why was it never easy for him to ignore Blaine? Blaine happened to look his way right at that moment, locking eyes with him over the heads of a sea of people. There was a hardness in his eyes that wasn’t usually there, uncharacteristically closed off. Kurt wondered if it had anything to do with their talk a week before. They really hadn’t spoken at all since, Kurt realised. Good.  
“Let’s dance,” Kurt decided, setting his empty cup down and trying his best to sway to the beat in a manner that would constitute as normal for anyone who wasn’t training to become a ballet dancer. It was harder than he’d anticipated, and Mike was on the verge of laughing at him. “Fuck off, like you can do any better,” he spat bitterly, watching the way Mike eyebrows raised in amusement.  
As it turned out, Mike could do better than him, which was utterly infuriating. Now he didn’t just have to worry about his actual dancing, he had to worry about stereotypical party dancing as well?  
Someone bumped his shoulder, and Kurt turned sluggishly. Maybe the alcohol was finally starting to get to him. Wow. The guy that had bumped his shoulder was kind of hot, and, judging by the way he was looking at Kurt, the bump hadn’t been an accident.  
“Sorry,” the boy said anyway, but he didn’t look it. “I don’t think I’ve seen you before. I’m Adam, you?”  
“Kurt,” Kurt replied.  
“Kurt.” The boy mulled over the name a minute before smiling. “It suits you. Would you like to dance, Kurt?”  
Not the way you want to, Kurt thought to himself. There were worse things in the world than dancing with a pretty boy, of course, but then again, Adam wasn’t even that pretty. Not like Blaine or something.  
What the fuck Kurt? He couldn’t just go around thinking about Blaine being attractive, pretty . Where the hell had that even come from?  
Sure, Blaine was objectively attractive, he would be an idiot not to notice, but Kurt hated him so much that normally this was just another thing to hate. Countless girls would end up falling for his wild hair and pretty eyes, unaware that their attraction had led them into the nest of a snake.  
Adam was still looking at him hopefully, eyes blue and bright. “You know what? Sure,” Kurt found himself responding, taking an outstretched hand for the third time that night and allowing himself to be swept away.  
They were playing a song he actually knew now, and it was easier for him to dance more ‘normally’, whatever the hell that meant. Mike caught his eye and winked, which made Kurt blush. Adam noticed Kurt blushing and blushed back, giving Kurt a small twirl. Maybe Finn and the boys had been right, maybe he could pretend to fall in love for a night and let things happen as they so often did when one was young and stupid and drunk.  
Kurt was feeling a bit more bold, so he brought his hands up around Adam’s neck. Adam blushed even harder at this, leaning closer very hesitantly.  
“I think you’re very beautiful Kurt,” Adam said quietly, Kurt now heard the British accent Adam and Kurt smiled politely in response. Something about it felt real, something about it felt fake. It wasn’t every day a boy called him beautiful, but the flutter in his stomach that should have accompanied an admission like this wasn’t there.  
Adam leaned closer still. “Can I kiss you?”  
Kurt found himself nodding, wanting to feel something for a boy that he should have been feeling everything for.  
Their lips met softly at first, Adam letting Kurt take the lead, pull back if he wanted to. He wanted to, and he didn’t. He wanted to be kissed, he realised, but for some reason Adam wasn’t giving him the kiss he hadn’t known he was longing for.  
It wasn’t a bad kiss, quite the contrary, but it didn’t make Kurt feel like he was flying, like he was alive . Granted, Kurt had never had a kiss like that, but he’d hoped it would happen sooner rather than later.  
Another thing he realized while kissing Adam was that he couldn’t do the one-time hookup thing. Maybe it worked for other people, but he couldn’t just be intimate like that with someone with no sort of follow up. It was all or nothing, something that kind of carried over to his life as a dancer as well.  
Having a boyfriend would probably be nice, but Kurt couldn’t stand the ‘talking’ phase, wondering if a person actually likes you or if they’re just being nice or if they just want one thing from you, so he’d settled for nothing at all, not even bothering to try to look. As far as he knew, Sam was the only boy in his year that wasn’t straight anyway and that was just too weird to think about, so what was the point in trying? Looking elsewhere was impossible, he was too involved in ballet to care about anything outside it.  
He was vaguely aware that he and Adam were still kissing.  
They broke apart after an eternity and Kurt was met by a look of utter adoration. Adam really was beautiful himself ( and Kurt was quite partial to his accent), but if being looked at like that couldn’t stir something inside Kurt, this whole thing was fruitless. He blinked and when he opened his eyes again he was staring right at Blaine again, who was staring back.  
The expression Blaine wore wasn’t as blank as it had been before, but Kurt still couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. Not that he wanted to.  
“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Kurt said abruptly. Adam blinked, then smiled.  
“Do you want me to come with?” he asked.  
Kurt laughed and hoped it didn’t sound as harsh as it felt in his mind. “No, no. I actually really have to pee.”  
“I see,” Adam laughed, releasing Kurt, “See you in a bit?”  
Kurt couldn’t force himself to answer, choosing instead to smile before rushing off to the bathroom. Once inside he caught a look at himself in the mirror and was struck dumb by the sight. He didn’t look great, to say the least. The bags around his eyes looked deeper than they had been an hour before, his hair was disheveled from Adam running his hands through it, and his eyes looked wide and shocked.  
He’d barely locked eyes with the mirror longer than a few seconds before he was bent over the toilet bowl, spilling everything he’d drank back out the way it came. He hated vomiting, hated it so much.  
There was something about the lack of control he felt with his head in the toilet that made him begin to shake, barely able to breathe between spurts of throwing up, tears starting to stream down his cheeks involuntarily. The shaking wouldn’t stop and he was barely able to grip the toilet seat properly, almost banging his heat on it when his hands slipped. He allowed himself to collapse face down on the floor, curled into a fetal position on the mat in front of the toilet, silently screaming inside his mind.  
He felt like he was in one of those dreams where something is chasing you and you open your mouth to scream but nothing comes out or you move your legs to run but stay in place. He blinked quickly and frequently, trying to figure out if his vision was actually spotting or if he was just blinking so much it seemed that way.  
He didn’t know how much longer he stayed on the floor like that, lungs screaming for breaths he couldn’t take properly, mind screaming at him for being so stupid as to allow himself to get drunk to the point of vomiting in the first place. Had he even been that drunk? He didn’t think so, he could still stand straight and think straight for the most part.  
When he finally felt like he could possibly sit up, seeing more than just blurs of darkness at last, he took a deep breath, grunting into a seated position. He rested his head back against the wall and pulled his knees up to ground himself further. His phone lit up beside him and he saw that it was past midnight, which meant that the casting had to be up by then. He’d been so preoccupied with the façade of normalcy he’d forgotten what he had put on the façade for.  
Immediately, he was sober, all remnants of everything that had just happened clearing from his system. Indeed, when he checked his email, there was a message from the director with the cast list. He closed his eyes before clicking on it, praying to any deities that might be listening.

SWAN LAKE CAST LIST

ODETTE – RACHEL BERRY  
PRINCE SIEGFRIED – BLAINE ANDERSON  
BARON VON ROTHBART – MIKE CHANG  
ODILE – RACHEL BERRY  
BENNO VON SOMMERSTERN- SAM EVANS  
WOLFGANG – JESSE ST JAMES  
QUEEN MOTHER – TINA COHEN-CHANG  
CYGNETS – QUINN FABRAY, MERCEDES JONES, SANTANA LOPEZ, KITTY WILDE  
CORPS DE BALLET* - SAM EVANS, QUINN FABRAY, MERCEDES JONES, KURT HUMMEL, SANTANA LOPEZ, SUGAR MOTTA , MATT RUTHERFORD, KITTY WILDE  
UNDERSTUDY TO ODETTE/ODILE – SANTANA LOPEZ  
UNDERSTUDY TO PRINCE SIEGFRIED – KURT HUMMEL  
UNDERSTUDY TO BARON VON ROTHBART – FINN HUDSON

*Some dancers in the corps may be selected for secondary roles to be established during rehearsals; understudies will be expected to practice alongside their counterparts for the majority of the rehearsals, filling spots in the corps only once they have perfected the roles they understudy.

REHEARSAL SCHEDULES WILL BE IN YOUR INBOXES BY 23:59 SUNDAY NIGHT.

Kurt’s phone fell from his hands in a dull clatter. He’d failed. An understudy. An understudy . Blaine’s understudy. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and he didn’t stop them from falling. He’d earned these tears, would let them flow freely as they wished until he had to return to the party and pretend his dreams hadn’t been crushed once again.  
He was unsurprised by Rachel’s role, and happy for Mike. Mike was never really singled out either, so this would probably come as a welcome surprise to him. He hadn’t seen Sam dance to much as he joined the company at the end of last year, so Kurt didn’t totally know what to think about that yet. Finn was an understudy, just like him, but he didn’t think Finn would be too upset about it. There was no possibility of Mike or Sam having to back out from their roles, so Finn would just have more free time on his hands. Santana was in a similar situation to Kurt, but she was also one of the cygnets, performing the famous ‘Little Swans’ pas de quatre, so she’d get an opportunity to shine regardless.  
His phone was buzzing continually, filling with messages from Finn and Rachel. He didn’t bother to read any of them, knowing they all held condolences and not wanting to deal with it. Turning his phone on silent, then turning it off completely, he slowly made his way to standing, bracing himself up against the counter as he looked directly into the mirror again.  
The tears were gone from his face, but there was a hollow look in his eyes that everyone would see right through. He splashed a bit of water on his face and forced a smile, trying to look every bit as nonchalant as he would be expected to look. He could fall apart in the privacy of this bathroom, but he couldn’t be a sore loser out amongst the throngs of people. From their point of view, he was probably lucky to be an understudy. At least he’d get to practice for the role he’d dreamed of, right?  
Stumbling back out into the party, the low lighting made it difficult to see at first, which made for a good excuse when he pretended not to see Finn, Artie and Mike huddled together in conversation. It was improbable that they were talking about the casting, but it was hard for him to think that they weren’t. Maybe he was just being narcissistic, but it felt like everyone there was looking at him with pity. He had to get out of there.  
Adam caught his eye and smiled, raising one eyebrow suggestively, but Kurt ignored him, brushing past without a word towards the door. He cast one last glance around the room before leaving, gaze landing on a pair of eyes he hadn’t realised he’d been searching to find.  
Blaine looked at him not like he’d won, and Kurt had lost, but like he understood exactly what Kurt was feeling in that moment. It was unnerving, but Kurt couldn’t look away. Something passed between the two of them, something that Kurt might have considered further if he hadn’t been completely defeated. Kurt finally broke the stare, looking down at his feet before glancing back up to find that Blaine was still looking at him. It felt like they could communicate without words again like they used to. Are you ok?  
No, Kurt wasn’t ok, but he found himself nodding. Blaine gave him a small smile that should have been infuriating, but it was comforting. It was a true testament to how out of it he was that he didn’t feel disgusted by the fact that he’d found comfort in Blaine’s smile. Maybe he would tomorrow, but for tonight, it was exactly what he needed. Thank you .  
Kurt barely had time to register the surprise in Blaine’s eyes before he was out the door, wandering aimlessly through the streets until he found his way back to school. If he stopped on the way home to scream and punch a fence, bloodying his hand to the point of tears, he didn’t have the mind to care. If he collapsed onto his bed without setting an alarm to wake up to work out in the morning, he didn’t give a shit. Let lives of perfection be left to those who had earned it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has a great holiday season! And that everyone is well. I’m a sucker for feedback and kudos so feel free to drop anything you want to add or say!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt deals with being an understudy and the boys progress to maybe hating each other a little less...

Monday 7:00  
“Kurt? Kurt? You need to get up.”  
Kurt was jolted awake by a soft melodic voice giving way to warm caramel swirled eyes. They were beautiful eyes, really, so beautiful…  
Then Kurt realised who the eyes belonged to.  
“What are you doing in my room?” He could and would ignore the fact his sleepy brain had decided Blaine had beautiful eyes. Pretty as they may have been, pretty eyes didn’t make up for the fact that he was a dick.  
“It’s seven. Rehearsals start at eight, and I honestly thought you were up and out already, otherwise I would have woken you earlier. Leads and understudies have to be at practice at seven thirty,” Blaine explained patiently, which made Kurt feel a bit like he was being talked down to. He was low-key patronising.  
He laid back down. “I’m sick.”  
“No you’re not.”  
“You can’t just tell me that I’m not sick.”  
“Yes I can.”  
The moment could have been considered oddly domestic apart from the pair hated each other other and Kurt was pretty sure that Blaine was straight. And would in no way means marry Kurt. Not that Kurt was proposing.  
Kurt glared at Blaine with all the loathing he could muster, but Blaine would not be dissuaded. He continued, “If you don’t show up, they’ll give your role to someone else, someone who doesn’t deserve it, and you won’t even be in the show at all.”  
“I already won’t be in the show. That’s what understudy means, remember? Or have you forgotten, since the position is so beneath you?” Kurt pointed out.  
Blaine shrugged and stood up from where he sat on the edge of Kurt’s bed. “Of all the things I was expecting from you, defeat wasn’t one of them. A sandbag dropped on my head would have seemed more up your alley. I gave you yesterday to mope around, but this is ridiculous. Guess I had you wrong after all.”  
Oh, that was it. How dare Blaine pretend that he knew him at all. “You don’t know a thing about me,” he said, throwing off his comforter and ignoring the way Blaine’s eyes went wide when he noticed Kurt was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. He tried not to think about the reason Blaine might have looked at him that way. Was he that unattractive? Was he out of shape? He immediately regretted lying in his bed sulking the entire day prior, he should have been in the studio.  
Something had snapped inside him, flipped a switch and made him realise that, while this situation was nowhere near ideal, he would still work at it like he’d actually gotten the lead. Maybe if he impressed enough in rehearsals the director would realise he’d made a mistake in the casting. It was wishful thinking, but stranger things had happened. “Can you leave now?” Kurt asked, not even bothering to sound polite.  
Blaine scrambled up immediately, face red for reasons Kurt didn’t care enough to worry about. “And by the way,” he added, one hand braced to close the door, “Poisoning you would be more my style.”  
He didn’t miss the way Blaine grinned as the door closed, but didn’t dwell on it. Let Blaine think he’d won, that he’d swooped in to save the day and snap Kurt out of his stupor. Having him vulnerable might work to Kurt’s advantage, actually.  
Kurt finished getting ready as quickly as possible, RIP to his moisturising routine today, annoyed to find Blaine waiting for him in the kitchen, a croissant waiting on a plate. Kurt raised his eyebrows at Blaine, then at the pastry. “That’s not for me?”  
“Well, yeah,” Blaine said, “I already had one.”  
Kurt hummed, grabbing his bag and water bottle, the latter of which Blaine had apparently filled for him. “You really think I’m going to eat that after I just told you how I’d get rid of you if I wanted you gone from the show?”  
Blaine laughed as if Kurt had been trying to be funny, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He left before Blaine could speak further or try to walk with him to practice. Besides, they weren’t fashionably late yet, and Kurt knew that was more Blaine’s style.  
Yet, much to his disappointment, Blaine caught up with him rather quickly especially for a short person.. He fell into step beside Kurt, looking at him with a frown. “I waited for you ,” he said in a manner that nearly made Kurt feel guilt. Nearly.  
“Cool!” Kurt exclaimed in false interest, picking up his pace, hoping the extra 3 inches he had over Blaine may help in opening a gap.  
“It might make you look better to walk in with me,” Blaine added, catching up. Kurt stopped in his tracks, pivoting slowly to face Blaine.  
He took a step closer. “Listen, I know you think you’re better than everyone, especially me. I get that, I’m over it, but if you think I’m going to let you manipulate me, you’re dead wrong. I don’t care what you do with your life or your ballet career, but just stay the hell away from me, all right?”  
Blaine blinked in surprise, taking half a step back, Kurt thought he almost looked hurt. “I’m not trying to manipulate you, Kurt. I was joking—”  
“I thought jokes were supposed to be funny?” Kurt cocked his head to the side, walking backwards away from Blaine, who stood frozen in the middle of the hallway. “Guess you’re not good at everything after all!”  
Kurt turned away from Blaine mildly smug at stunning the other boy; he was that in to his own thoughts that he almost ran into Santana as he walked into the studio. She looked at him curiously, probably wondering why he all of a sudden had a spring in his step when he hadn’t responded to any of her messages all weekend. He felt kind of bad about it since she was basically in the same situation he was.  
“Morning?” she tested hesitantly.  
“Morning,” he answered the previous smile still on his face. The two of them placed their bags beside one another, changing into their ballet shoes in his case, pointe shoes in hers. She looked up at him curiously as she tied the ribbons on her shoes. “You didn’t meet up with Rachel this morning,” she stated.  
Shoot. He’d known he’d blown off his morning workout routine, but he forgot that he hadn’t told Rachel he would be doing so. She had probably been waiting for him bright and early for no reason, it wasn’t like she needed the extra practice. “Fuck. How mad is she?” he asked.  
“She’s not mad, just worried. I was half expecting you not to show up this morning.” He probably would have been offended had her statement not been accurate. “But, truth to be told, I knew Blaine wouldn’t let that happen.”  
His head shot up. “What does Blaine have to do with anything?”  
“Besides everything?”  
He rolled his eyes. He was really sick of everyone acting like Blaine was the be-all end-all of every aspect of their lives at the school, or just life in general. She sighed in exasperation, mumbling under her breath, “You don’t even know…”  
Maybe he didn’t, but he also didn’t care enough to ask her what she meant. “Listen,” he said, “We’re probably going to be partners from here on out, so I just have one request: please, please can we not talk about Blaine? I’ve wasted so much time hating him that I should have spent focusing on ballet.” Not that Kurt wouldn’t still hate Blaine, he’s just do it more quietly.  
Santana finished tying her shoes and stood up beside him. “Hummel, you’re understudying the role of a lifetime. You’ve worked harder than anyone I know. Not everything is about your obsession with hobbit over there, maybe he just had a really great audition.”  
“I’m not obsessed —”  
“You are, that part wasn’t up for debate. I’m all for not talking about Anderson and focusing on the tasks at hand, but you’re always the one who brings him up in conversation.” She gave him a pointed look, the likes of which he ignored by pretending to fix his hair in the mirror.  
Maybe she had a point, but that didn’t matter. If he talked about Blaine a lot, it was only because Blaine had done something that required talking about. He shouldn’t feel the need to apologise for talking about things that bothered him.  
“Hey.” She snapped in front of his face. “I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad or anything, but you say you want to focus solely on ballet, and that’s what I want to do too. Ok?” She held her fist out to him, and he waited a moment before grinning and tapping it with his.  
“Ok.” He cast a glance around the room. Only the leads and their understudies had been called in a half hour before everyone else, so the room was far emptier than it normally was. For a minute Kurt could pretend that he was there after being cast as the lead, ready for the challenge of the spotlight.  
Then, the director addressed them all, shattering those fantasies as quickly as they’d formed. He spoke to them about their rehearsal schedules, what would be required of them in the coming months, and how the rest of their schedule would adjust to account for show rehearsals. Kurt listened attentively, committing everything said to memory. They had an allowance of three unexcused missed rehearsals before the would have to speak to the director or a doctor, five before their role was in jeopardy. It was more than Kurt had been expecting, though he knew he probably wouldn’t be missing any rehearsals anyways.  
Santana and Kurt took their places behind Rachel and Blaine when the director had finished speaking, sharing a look that said they were in this together. Maybe it wasn’t exactly what either of them had wanted, but they would make it work. If anything, they’d be the best damn understudies the American School of Ballet had ever seen.

Wednesday 19:34  
Kurt should have been rehearsing, he knew that, but he was tired and unmotivated. He’d booked the studio until nine, but they hadn’t been given so much choreography yet that he really needed all the extra time to practice. He should probably go back to his room and start working on homework from his online courses, but sometimes sitting in the silence of an otherwise empty studio was comforting to him.  
Studio three was always his favourite, though it was rarely used for classes. It was one of the smaller studios, but the wall with the barre was lined with windows looking out on the city. When he stood in front of the mirror it looked like he was dancing on top of the city, or maybe surrounded by it. It could be distracting to some, which was why they rarely ever used the room, but Kurt found it beautiful, especially at night. The lights of cars and buildings bringing the stars down to earth. The Café across the street was Kurt’s favourite they made hot cocoa similar to his mom’s and Kurt knew one of the waitresses there, Rhiannon, she’d given him a free muffin one evening when he was studying.  
He looked around the room from where he’s simply been sitting on the floor, gazing out the window. There was a piano in the corner of the room, as there was in all the studios for the accompanists to play for them during class. Hardly anyone knew Kurt played piano, and no one knew that sometimes he would sit in the studio and play rather than practice.  
Playing helped him ease some of the tension in his mind, the notes translating a sense of sublime solitude and taking him to a world entirely his own. Kurt had always been of the opinion that an infinite number of parallel universes existed and playing piano made him feel like his universe was the best one out there, even though sometimes he felt like his universe was the worst one.  
He hadn’t even consciously made the decision to move over to the piano, but there he was, sliding onto the bench, lifting the cover off the keys and pressing his fingers down lightly. The great things about the studio pianos was that they were always in tune, the sounds they emitted were crisp and pure, blending together seamlessly or separating intentionally depending on the piece being played.  
Kurt was no composer, but maybe he could have been in a different universe. Maybe he could have been in this one, if ballet hadn’t enraptured him so young in life. The way that some people could improvise while dancing was reflected in the way he played the instrument. Piano was the thing that came most naturally to him, even more naturally than dancing, he definitely has his mom to thank for that. Every time he played he thought that this must be what dancing felt like to Rachel or Blaine and it made it a little harder to hate and blame Blaine for everything he had done.  
The music poured out of him, slowly, then quickly, then slow again, fingers flitting over the keys with a reckless abandon that he usually would have tried to contain. He couldn’t do that right now, though, he wanted to revel in something that he was really, really good at.  
A lot of times, when he was playing, he stopped thinking, mind going completely blank, not caring about anything but the sounds emitting from the piano. Now, though, his mind took him back to another time he’d played just as freely, quite a long time ago.  
It was the summer before he started at the ballet school, and his mom’s cancer was flaring up again. He’d play for her when she was struggling to sleep or needed a reason to smile and Kurt always remembered the peace it gave her and how proud she looked when he played. Sometimes he thinks she enjoyed him playing more than she did watching him dance.  
Kurt would sometimes play at his school ,Mckinley,before he’d transferred to the Ballet school but was constantly bullied and beaten up by other kids either for his femininity, the fact he danced and for overall being a “Filthy Queer” as one of his abusers had called him. Kurt remembers the day he had blacked out from the bullying and the icy cold sensation of a slushy being thrown in your face. God Mckinley was awful and he was always left with bruises he couldn’t explain or questions he couldn’t answer when he’d arrive to rehearsal, desperately trying to avoid his parents finding out. Kurt threw himself into the chords of the next song he was playing almost mentally battling the bullies of his past.  
“I didn’t know you still played.”  
Kurt withdrew from his trance, feeling the hot press of a tear sliding down his face. He wiped it away as hastily as he could, trying to be subtle about it.  
Blaine’s frame leaned lazily against the doorframe, eyes bright even from across the room. Kurt let his hands fall to his sides, looking back down at the keys. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”  
“You’re right.” Blaine shrugged and stepped into the room, eyes never leaving Kurt, even for a moment. “I used to know everything about you.”  
Kurt blinked up at him. He almost said I used to know everything about you too . Blaine heard the words, unspoken as they were. He sat next to Kurt on the piano bench, and Kurt wondered briefly how the two of them both fit on the bench, noticing he’d moved over to make room for Blaine without noticing it.  
“It was amazing,” Blaine said. Kurt didn’t say anything back, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Blaine’s as he spoke again, “And surprising.”  
“I guess I have some talent after all,” Kurt said, more breathlessly than he’d intended.  
“Who ever told you that you didn’t?” Blaine inquired seriously. If he hadn’t been knocked off balance by Blaine’s abrupt arrival and the memory he’d interrupted, Kurt probably would have laughed in his face.  
Kurt placed the cover back over the keys, tearing his gaze away at last, but he didn’t move. “What are you doing here?”  
Blaine shrugged. “I heard the music.”  
“All the way from the suites?”  
“You’re not the only one who checks out studio time, you know.” There was a small smile on Blaine’s face now, like he was enjoying the conversation. It was this small detail that brought Kurt back into himself.  
He blinked a few times. “Right, I can’t believe I almost forgot how much better of a ballet dancer you are.”  
Blaine frowned. “I never said anything about being better than you?”  
“But it was implied. I’ve been sitting here playing the piano while you’ve been rehearsing. I’ve been slacking while you’ve been getting better, not that you need to.” Great job, Hummel, fill his inflated head with more compliments why don’t you?  
“I don’t know,” Blaine sighed, “I wouldn’t consider this slacking. This is a gift. I can’t do with dance what you can do with a piano.”  
Why was Blaine being nice to him? Was this his new way to try to psych Kurt out? “What do you want from me?” he asked in exasperation. There was only so much guessing he could do and, frankly, he just didn’t have the energy to deal with it at the moment.  
Blaine’s eyebrows shot together. “Nothing?”  
“Bullshit.”  
“Why is that bullshit?”  
“You haven’t given a shit about me for eight years, but now, all of a sudden, when I’m your understudy you pop by to compliment me? If this is your way of trying to get me to quit ballet or something, try again,” Kurt spat.  
Blaine’s face hardened. “Not everything is about you Kurt. I didn’t even know it was you playing the music, I was going to come by and listen regardless. When people have that much passion for something, they deserve an audience, or at least a single person who will appreciate them.”  
Kurt stood abruptly. Whatever lies Blaine was spinning were too much for him. Blaine hadn’t seemed to think Kurt deserved that same appreciation when he danced, and Kurt knew that the passion was there too.  
Without a backward glance, Kurt gathered his things and walked out of the studio. It didn’t matter that he still had the studio booked for two hours. Let Blaine use up those hours for his passion , or whatever.  
Blaine didn’t say a word as he left, didn’t try to follow him out. Kurt wasn’t even sure what time he returned to their room, as he’d locked himself inside his room as soon as he’d gotten back.  
He laid awake staring at the ceiling far longer than he should have, but he’d long since given up on telling his brain what to do when it came to sleep. Sometimes it was infuriating to live as such, sleep coming only when it was almost too late to help him in any way. It had become more of a nuisance, really, than a necessity. Finn had always expressed concerns about Kurt’s sleeping habits, or lack thereof, but it wasn’t like he had any control over the matter. If Kurt had his way he’d be able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat earlier in the night so he wouldn’t be as tired in the mornings.  
When sleep finally did come, he let it pull him under, dreaming of playing the piano, a boy with beautiful honey-brown eyes by his side, gazing at him with a look that said all the words Kurt had yearned to hear.  
When he woke up, he didn’t remember dreaming at all.

Friday 14:28  
Something didn’t feel right. The lights were too bright almost clinical, everyone was talking too fast, or maybe they were talking too quietly. Kurt couldn’t hear them. Were they talking about him, or did they also notice that something was off?  
Maybe his mind was just too preoccupied to grasp everything going on that day. To make up for his time spent on the piano Wednesday, Kurt booked the studio again the day before, working himself until he was able to fall asleep the moment his head hit the mattress that night. It hardly ever happened, but he’d been so grateful for the drooping of his eyes that he’d given in without a second thought. He’d also successfully avoided Blaine since Wednesday night, a feat he had to clap himself on the back for.  
There had been conversation of another party that weekend, but Kurt didn’t think he was up to it this time. Remembering the taste of Adam’s lips on his did nothing but make him feel a bit sick to his stomach, and he really didn’t want to be goaded into finding a hookup for the night again, or to have another panic attack in the bathroom of a house that was unfamiliar to him.  
Plus, drinking would be sure to set him back in classes, filling him up and emptying him out in ways he couldn’t afford to be filled and emptied. He really didn’t know how Mike did it, weekend after weekend. Somehow he always came back to classes Monday morning with a jovial grin on his face and his entire demeanor intact, nothing lasting of the nights he’d spent too drunk or high to think straight.  
Kurt envied him for this, finding it deplorable in the same breath.Finn had more or less relented in his pestering about getting out and about, knowing some of the details of what happened last time, Carole always asked questions when she called “How’s Kurt?” “ Is he eating?” And as result Finn almost took on this role of older brother which was ironic as Kurt was actually older. He hadn’t pressed beyond what Kurt was comfortable sharing, but he knew that Finn got the gist of it and wouldn’t bother him about it any further.  
Finn really was the best friend he’d ever had, technically it didn’t count as Finn was his brother but him and Finn where closer than Kurt was to Elliot or Mike. He was in the midst of learning the choreography for his role, looking focused and precise,Finn usually left learning choreo until last minute clearly Rachel had scolded him. Normally, Kurt would have looked the same, but something was in the air that day, making it more difficult than ever.  
The choreography was impossible to grasp, and it wasn’t even that complex. They were working through some sequences for the corps that day, but his mind couldn’t catch up to what the instructor was saying or to what he was supposed to be doing.  
Everything had been fine when he’d woken up, when he’d gone on his run, when he’d warmed up with Santana, but it had all progressively gone downhill. Was it just him, or was the room so, so hot?  
“Kurt?”  
His head shot up, or maybe it didn’t. Was he looking in the right direction? The instructor’s mouth was moving soundlessly, and the lights were dimming. The sun itself was dimming. That shouldn’t have been possible, the day was only about half over. Had rehearsals gone by so quickly? Maybe the instructor was telling him that it was time to pack up and go home for the day.  
When he tried to move his feet to walk over to his bag, he found that he couldn’t really feel them. His mind and body felt equally paralysed and he didn’t know if he was moving at all or if he was standing in the same spot he’d been standing the entire time.  
Oh. Oh no.  
“ Kurt! ” That voice was very familiar. He wondered what they were worried about. He couldn’t see anymore, faintly aware that he was sprawled on the ground. It felt nice, if he was being honest. The darkness in front of him was reaching inside now, threatening to envelop him entirely, wiping his consciousness clean of any thought or feeling.  
He knew he probably shouldn’t have, but he let it swallow him whole.  
Oh, how good it felt to slip into that sweet, sweet oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOWOW. I’m spoiling you guys two chapters in two days!! I hope everyone in the UK is alright with the whole tier 4 thing! Sending Hugs! As always comments and kudos are massively appreciated!!


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